...

Never expect, never assume, never ask and never demand. Just let it be. Because if it's meant to be. It will be.

Why...why did you lie to me?

Restraint

(Taken from old blog site in 2005---)

At this particular moment, I just wanna grab the phone and call you.So I can hear your voice and I'd know right then and there, everything's gonna be okay. I check my email every minute, hoping to hear from you...a simple "HI" would suffice...no need for words or explanation. Just the thought that halfway across the world...at this very moment, you're thinking about me too is more than enough to wash my fears away.. I miss you so much...and it's taking every inch of my strength to stop myself from doing this. That's the least that I can do I guess. But it hurts me more every time I realize that you can last this long without hearing from me.

Why are we doing this to each other?WE are supposed to be each other's strength. We promised to one another that no matter what, we are gonna get through this...together. I know you're hurting. And God knows how much I want to just take you in my arms and let you know how sorry I am for allowing this situation to come in between us...but i thought you know better.

It pains me to think that we are slowly drifting apart. I feel so miserable and completely helpless. HURT. Because I feel like you're giving up on us. And its only a matter of time until we get to that point where one would say enough is enough. I don't know if i'll ever be prepared for that moment...I'm not ready to let go.

I just hope that one of us is feeling better about this. Maybe that's the least consolation that I can get to realize that this non-communication is doing one of us some kind of good. I don't know how long I can last like this. But it's probably the least I can do to let you know that I completely respect your feelings about this. Fuck. Who am I kidding? I hate you.

Good for You

(taken from old blog site---)

I hope you’re happy with your newfound distraction…that it’s more than enough to keep you sane and get you through the rest of this ordeal without losing yourself. As much as it hurts, I gotta give you credit for finding ways to cope with the situation…and what a way for you to find a good enough reason to move on. A brand new "friend".

A friend once said to me that the easiest way to forget someone is to have someone else…I’m not saying that whoever that person is will replace the one you love, but she may probably be enough to keep you company and ease you out of the misery that you’ve been going through since this whole thing started. Good for you…

LOVE/HATE

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

-Neil Gaiman-

D(ONE)

(Taken from an old blog site--)

Done
Function: adjective
Date: 14th century
1 : arrived at or brought to an end;
2 : doomed to failure, defeat, or death

Never thought this 4-letter word can be so...fatal. One syllable. And it's enough to wash away the one thousand and one dreams that were created and built from the non-existence of this WORD. The pursuit for permanence and a future that awaits with so much promise have fallen short of empty.All because...It's DONE.Shit.I HATE this word (and whoever said this). This is now my most hated word in the world....there's just so much hopelessness,defeat and finality in it.

I always ends up in this boat...But I thought this one was an exception. I ALMOST believed that it was going to be different from the rest...well, almost. What hurts the most is that I gave up all my defenses. I didn't see this coming....Having been used to being always on guard, Im the first to push that person away the moment I feel threatened. That's why I end up being on the losing end all the time because I'm just too cautious to give anyone a chance to come too close. And then you came along.

You made me believe in PERMANENCE. You made me believe that forever exists--no matter what. That's its a reality waiting to happen if only I could open up my heart to it and let go. But oops! I did it again...

You had me fooled by your selflessness. I gave all my love without inhibition...all of that and more. Only to end up here. Back where you picked me up. Sorry L, welcome back to the same boat. Another one bites the dust...this time it's me.

I HATE YOU for doing this. Your words were nothing but empty promises. And I believed it. YES, It was good,no, GREAT, while it lasted... IT ALWAYS IS...and thank you for that...Ive learned a lot. BUT I TOLD YOU there's no such thing as permanence....you just proved me right.

It hurts so much.I really thought you're D'ONE. But now it's DONE.